not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
