I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
