YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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