The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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