my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize