Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
