I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
