blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
