guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
