Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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