All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
