Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
