And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
you never un-have a 4some
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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