did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
