Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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