proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
