His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
