my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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