I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
