woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
