Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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