he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
how drunk are you?
Several
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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