When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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