you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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