I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
love makes seman taste better
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
