man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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