Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
