On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
