So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't think brook has ever known best
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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