Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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