I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
