Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she told me i tasted like america
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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