Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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