god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
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Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
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How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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