We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
