he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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