Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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