I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
