they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
