I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I understand Curling. That high.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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