I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
