I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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