I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
