i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
