I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
