4 words: hood of his car
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sorry about my life...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
