It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
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how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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