she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
