So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
