i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
