Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
