i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
