Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
