I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
smell my finger.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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