My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just gift wrapped bread.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
