my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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