so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
