Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
