I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
