Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
it was like eating out sand paper
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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