Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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