There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
