I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
