Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
