if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
