So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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