me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
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Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
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I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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