also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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