Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
