used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
