i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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