Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
